I was washing M’s dirty face after he finished eating burritos with chili inside. After we were done washing, I was trying to be cute and got up close in his face and said “Wow! It’s Matvei! I couldn’t tell before because your face was so dirty!” He looked at me with a deadpan look and said, dryly: “It was just a little bit of chili.”

It was early in the morning when my parents were still in their bedroom, and Baba and I came downstairs to have our breakfast. Baba gave me food and said: "Eat!"
I looked at her and said: "Pay!" Then I closed my eyes, folded my hands, and bowed my head. Then I heard Baba's voice: "I cannot! Darius, just eat!"

I looked at her again, not believing that she cannot do it, and said: "Baba! Pay!" Then, again, I closed my eyes, folded my hands, and bowed my head. Baba started explaining to me that she doesn't do it and she cannot do it, how she had never done it before, and that I should just start eating. I couldn't believe her, and we argued.

Our argument lasted for about 5 minutes, and Baba gave up! Finally she said: "Ok!" She thanked God for food, for children, for good weather, and maybe something else, I am not sure. I was glad that I could eat my breakfast after waiting for so long!

Darius: "Ням ням?"

Mom: Давай; пойдем кушать

Darius: Да!

...eating a full meal...

* * * * *

...10 minutes later...

Darius: "Ням ням?"

Mom: "Какой тебе ням ням?!?!"

Darius: "Ням ням?"

Darius: "Ням ням!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The posts in this category will be of things that I captured of my family during work hours -- hence something I would have missed, had I not quit my 9-5 day job.

This conversation happened whilst sitting on the porclain throne.

Dad: “Son, go pee.”

Son: “Nyeh,” shaking his head rapidly, with a perfectly dead-pan look on his face.

Dad: “Son!” a note of exasperation in my voice “Go pee!”

Son: “Nyeh,” again shaking his head rapidly.

Dad: “Darius! Do not tell me no. Say ‘Yes, Sir!’” grabbing his head and nodding it up and down vigorously, while demonstrating how to do it myself. “Now, go pee.”

Son: “Nyeh,” shaking his head rapidly.

Dad: lets out a long, exasperated sigh.

Son: “Nyeh,” shaking his head rapidly.

Funny thing I noticed: every time I get near the pellet stove, Mom and Dad shake their finger at the stove, and tell me to stay away from it. I cannot fathom how naughty the stove must be, to illicit such a response from my parents. I have decided to join them in the stove-shaming forces, so I make sure to shake my finger and scowl at the stove every time I see it. Religiously.

You know, it's funny. Every time Mom and Dad laugh really hard, they throw their heads backwards and open their mouths wide. I tried doing the same thing when they laugh. It's pretty funny. ...At least I think it's funny. I can't really be sure.

Farmer Darius.

Yep. I think it's time for my folks to cut my hair.